It has been weeks since I wrote last. I would first like to
thank you for all of the support. It has been truly overwhelming.( If you are
just joining this journey with me, please read this.) I got so many messages
and people coming up to me and thanking me for writing what I wrote. All I can
say is that God definitely had that one worked out before me. I was seriously
amazed at the positive feedback. Girls with every body type, girls with eating
disorders, girls we all think have it together, Christians, atheists,
agnostics, and a lot of men actually really related to that blog. I knew God
wanted me to write that blog, but I really was pretty terrified to bear my soul
for any who wanted to read it. Shoot, unless you are called I do not suggest
blogging about the largest insecurity in your life.
I posted it at an odd time of the day, and watched as the page views horrifically shot through the roof (for a little baby blogger like me my roof is pretty low.) As Brene Brown says, the next morning I woke up with a massive “vulnerability hangover.” I go to a very small university and was alarmed at how many people approached me and told me they liked my blog. Some I have only spoken to a few times approached me in the cafeteria, on my way to class, in the dorm etc. On the outside I said some variation of, “Thank you so much. I really appreciate that,” and on the inside I’m screaming, “I am going to run away forever!” However, as afraid to fail as I am; I cannot run away from the amount of love that has been heaped on my little heart. As I opened up my life for all to see, I watched as everyone put two fists in the air and yelled, “You are brave, and we love you!” I have seldom felt more supported, loved, accepted than I do right now. I am learning a lot about this vulnerability stuff, which I will share in another blog.
I posted it at an odd time of the day, and watched as the page views horrifically shot through the roof (for a little baby blogger like me my roof is pretty low.) As Brene Brown says, the next morning I woke up with a massive “vulnerability hangover.” I go to a very small university and was alarmed at how many people approached me and told me they liked my blog. Some I have only spoken to a few times approached me in the cafeteria, on my way to class, in the dorm etc. On the outside I said some variation of, “Thank you so much. I really appreciate that,” and on the inside I’m screaming, “I am going to run away forever!” However, as afraid to fail as I am; I cannot run away from the amount of love that has been heaped on my little heart. As I opened up my life for all to see, I watched as everyone put two fists in the air and yelled, “You are brave, and we love you!” I have seldom felt more supported, loved, accepted than I do right now. I am learning a lot about this vulnerability stuff, which I will share in another blog.
A ROAD MAP
The point of this post, is to show you the road map. I have
shared with you that I struggle with appreciating the body God has given me in
a twofold manner. I struggle with finding myself beautiful, and I struggle with
consuming only what I need. I abuse the great gift God has given me. That has
to be corrected. My life has to be changed, because Christ is with me. So I am
going to share my goals with you, and ask that you join me in prayer and high fives
and, a bunch of “You can do this Sarah!” Because on the real, my resume for
change is horrible. I am not good at being good, and potato chips taste better
than spinach. However, God has called me to this; so I know there is light at
the end of this tunnel.
Now there is a group of people that will be upset that I
feel the need to change. These are the, “You are so beautiful already,” and the
“You do not need to change a thing!” I appreciate that, and you are partially right.
I am beautiful (see previous blog), which is why I must change. Oh and the
decades of health research that says I need to change as well.
THE PLAN
I do believe that you
God is a logistical mastermind (The Ark, Creation, The Temple, Joshua’s
Conquest, Jerusalem’s Walls etc), and that he really does value plans and
details. I do not think it is legalistic to say, I need to lose weight, so I am
going to make a plan.
I love exercising. Any form besides running really makes me
pretty dang happy. If you would like to join me, I will be at the 8:00 a.m.
cardio classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then do strength training
after words. Then on Tuesday and Thursday I will go to either the 8:00 a.m. or
the 4/5 o’clock cardio class. I am just giving myself some flexibility on Tuesday
and Thursday, because sometimes I have homework that needs to be checked over
in the morning, and sometime I have a soccer game. I also downloaded the “Lose
It!,” app and will be tracking calories on that sucker. I want to really focus
on eating healthy food, not just low calories. Ya know, no more late-night potato
chips; or sugary Frappes just because I am tired. (Frappes will still happen
everyone in a while, because they are my favorite.)
(The Lose It! App)
One of the most important facets of this, is that I get at
least seven hours of sleep. On this campus, lack of sleep is glorified. The
less sleep you got last night, the harder the worker you are. Well I am
throwing up a peace sign to that logic, and tucking in earlier. This will
probably be the most difficult routine for me to install, but I have to get
sleep; or I will not diet and exercise correctly.
I am also tracking this with weight and inches, so all of my
goals can be reached by either weight or inches. I have noticed that sometimes,
I do not lose any weight; but my waist shrinks dramatically. I lose inches
faster than I lose weight. I did a bunch of research, and have been tracking
myself over the year to find out a healthy inches goal. My first goal is for
May 31st, so LET’S DO THIS!
Also, the most important part of all of this for me; is to
find joy in food. I do not want food to be the enemy. I have watched so many
people diet and turn food into the enemy. Food is a gift! I want to still be
passionate about food, just in a healthy way.
This journey is going to be long, tough, sweaty, awkward,
annoying, and exhausting. However, I can see the end picture; and it rocks! I
can see a girl who has self-discipline, control, and worships the Lord with her
whole self. I am scared that I will fail, but I refuse to be cold and timid.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -Teddy Roosevelt
So here we go everyone. I
have a plan that I am sticking to. However, I know that life happens; so with a
humble heart I will give my plans to the Lord. Should he change them, I am good
with that. However, this is my plan of obedience. I want my life to honor him. I
thank you for your support.
The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance,
but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.
(Proverbs 21:5)
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15)
Much Love,
Sarah Jean
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